I doubt whether many of you are familiar with the famous Russian/Soviet poet Anna Akhmatova (1889-1976). I myself came across her when researching a new book I am writing on Stalin. It was said that, in her early poetry in particular, “she was able to capture and convey the vast range of evolving emotions experienced in a love affair. From the first thrill of meeting to a deepening love contending with hatred, and eventually to violent destructive passion or total indifference.” A sad comment on the institution of marriage, isn’t it? And judging from what one keeps hearing about the way it kills love, often an all too realistic one.

Personally, though, I do not believe such an outcome to be inevitable. Rather than submit to it, and if only to remind myself, I have drawn up a short list of things that can be done, or left undone, in order to avoid it.

Here goes.

Things to Do

Make sure nothing and no one is able to come between you. Say a word against my alter ego, and you are out.

Share as many things as possible. Not just major joys and sorrows—that should come naturally as a matter of course. If she has to go to hospital, you want to be with her. And the other way around. But also, and above all, minor, everyday ones: as by taking off a couple of minutes to drink a cup of tea or eat an apple together.

Suspicion and love do not mix. So always put the best interpretation on whatever your spouse says and does. If the point comes where you cannot, better go your separate ways.

Even the best relationship/marriage does not absolutely preclude the possibility of misunderstandings. In case there is one, use humor to put things right. In general, humor is the greatest peacemaker there is. And the best prelude to bed.

Do whatever you can to make the life of your spouse easier, better, brighter. And rather than waiting until you’re asked, do it on your own initiative.

Appreciation, even of the smallest favors, will get you anywhere. So will small gestures, particularly such as are not needed. Holding open a door, for example when he/she comes in; or else a bunch of flowers at an unexpected moment. Just so.

Regardless of who bought it and who made the money, consider that everything you own belongs to both of you jointly. Even if, for tax or any other reasons, it is only registered on the name of one. At the same time, make sure neither of you is in a situation where your spouse has to ask for permission to buy anything.

In case you use nicknames on each other, make sure they are nice and, if at all possible, funny.

This guy had to be wondering why didn’t he learn viagra without prescription online Kung Fu. Male reproductive organ is very much sensitive in nature and cialis discount generic browse this link now thus that needs to be taken good care. Benefits of Taking Drivers Ed Online in Texas For most people, the recommended dosage of Vardenafil is one 10 mg tablet taken orally. brand viagra prices Read Full Report It has minerals, vitamins and over 85 micro-minerals. buy levitra vardenafil Lies are toxic. Even if they have remained undiscovered, and especially in the long run. Therefore, in case you have been cheating, owe up to it before your partner discovers what is going on. That way you may still be able to save whatever is left.  

My late grandfather once told me that the last thing he and my grandmother did each night before going to sleep was to have a hug and a kiss. I think that was excellent advice.

Things Not to Do

Never ever criticize your spouse in front of others.

Your spouse is not the cause of your misfortunes. If something went wrong, or simply if you are in a bad mood, don’t take it or on him or her.

If there is something you want to do but know you won’t be able to share with your spouse—don’t do it.

Don’t lie, unless in rare situations when it is a question of protecting the other.

Never ask your spouse whether, having sex with you, he or she was thinking about other partners he or she may have had or would like to have.  

Never ask your spouse to talk about his or her sexual experiences with others. Or else you may find yourself in the situation of the husband who asked his wife how many men she had had. Eleven, she answered. So I am number twelve? He asked. No, she said, you were number three.

*

These rules are the same for men and for women.

Good luck.